My Bid For The Nobel Prize

Dear Nobel Peace Prize People,

I think I should win the next Nobel Prize. I will now tell you why.

I want to do lots of good stuff. I want to make everyone like each other and make no one not like each other. In other words, I want to not keep my nose out of anything.

I want to promise to do lots of stuff with the words "bipartisan" and "across the aisle" in it.

I have the vision of a unified America, but no balls whatsoever to do anything about it.

I will promise to be bipartisan, but I will alienate both my own party and the other one.

I will promise "Hope" and "Change," not do anything to bring about either, and then whine when people call me out on it.

I will call everyone who disagrees with me or my policies uneducated, stupid, racist, and anti-American.

I will use the words "Hope" and "Change" some more.

I will promise to think about maybe possibly doing some more stuff involving this magical word "diplomacy."

I will use the word "Change" and pair it with "Hope."

I will use the word "Hope" and pair it with "Change."
I will talk often of my visions and dreams for my country, but not do anything about it (that'll make everyone like me, right?).

I will use my status as making America "post-racist" and drive it firmly back down the path it's been making since slavery was outlawed a long time ago.

I will blame all the problems (including the ones I cause) on Bush.

I will be nice to everyone.

I will get the principal to put ice cream in the lunches.

Sincerely, Barack Obama.